Solace
by fionalafleur104
Summary: Alex offers Amos comfort while he digs deeper into the question, "What happened to you?" Alex/Amos pairing UPDATE: I've started the full story (The Second Voyagers), so don't read this unless you want spoilers! D


Author's Note: This is a scene I wrote for a story I have not completed. If there is enough interest I may finish it.

xxxxx

Alex wanted to wipe the smug look off of Dawes' face, but he feared even more what Amos might do. The tension in the air was palpable.

"You should embrace your past," Dawes said. "Don't let it rule you."

"Shut up," Amos said in a steady voice, despite the tension in his body.

"Dawes, stop it," Alex said, watching the anger flare in Amos' eyes.

"You see it has such power over you," the belter said too close to Amos' face and began circling around him.

Alex thought about calling for help, "Stop it for Christ's sake." Dawes was poking the bear, and was about to get bitten.

"You can't let it go. You can't keep it. Just waiting for a spark. To light the match. To start the fire," he drawled in his strangely mollifying voice. He was behind Amos now, whispering in his ear. "One word." The pain on Amos' face broke Alex's heart, and the rage there chilled it. "_Catamite_," Dawes said through clenched teeth.

The reaction was immediate. Amos had Dawes under him on the ground, punching him in the face before Alex could even shout out. "Amos!" he yelled, trying to pull him off. "Amos stop it!" He looked at Dawes, who was trying but largely failing to block the larger man's attacks. The smile and blood on his face worked in perfect harmony with his ecstatic, wide eyes to make him look like a crazed madman. Amos put his hands around Dawes' throat. Now Dawes reacted, putting his hands around Amos' in return, but Amos was far too strong for him, or for Alex to pull him off him. "STOP IT!" Alex screamed, hoping he could draw one of the other crew to help him.

Amos picked up Dawes' head by his throat, and slammed it down on the deck, over and over until Dawes stopped fighting back and went limp. He then got up and turned to Alex, who was still trying to pull him up, and pushed him back against the wall, hands now around his throat. He put his hands up and, as his vision began to waver, he saw Anna rush into the room, the light in his foggy eyes illuminating a halo around her blonde hair like an angel sent from heaven.

The pressure around his throat began to ease and he could see well enough to watch the look on the other man's face go from irate, to horrified, to scared. He released Alex, looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry, I…" he said sadly, now looking on the verge of tears. And for reasons Alex could not begin to comprehend, Amos rushed forward and kissed him hard on the lips, pushing their bodies together. Alex had only started to put his hands down when Amos backed away, his hands still on Alex, and the look of horror returned. He turned quickly, and retreated towards his bunk.

"What the hell?" Anna said, looking just as confused as Alex felt.

"Dawes," he said, pointing at the bloody mess on the floor, but even then his body turned subconsciously to follow the fear and hurt that pulled at his heart.

Anna knelt over the man on the ground, pushing her finger to his throat. "He's alive," she said, and looked at Alex, who was still moving in slow motion as if to follow Amos. "Go, I've got this," she said. This was all the encouragement Alex needed to head towards the crew quarters with haste.

When he got to Amos' room the door was open. He stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in the scene. Amos stood facing the far wall, head resting on his forearm. He was breathing shakily.

"Amos," Alex said, his voice laced with a sorrowful concern he had only felt once before in his life, "What happened to you?"

The other man did not answer but took a giant wracking breath that almost sounded like a sob. Alex moved slowly into the room until he was standing just behind him. With mild trepidation, he reached his hand out to touch his shoulder, and was relieved when the other man didn't pull away. Instead he began sobbing in earnest now, at first jagged breaths forced in and out like he was trying to suppress his agony, then the dark cries of desperate sadness that shook his whole body.

Alex had both hands on his shoulders now, and squeezed them to show support. "Amos," he said softly. This seemed to only deepen his companion's sorrow, and Alex pulled gently at his shoulder to try and turn him around to face him. "Come here." Amos resisted at first, but eventually turned and buried his face in Alex's chest, clinging to him with a strength befitting a man of his stature. Alex put his hand softly on his head as if touching something precious, and rubbed his back in what he hoped was a comforting manner. "What happened to you?" he whispered in his ear, but the question made Amos cough and begin to hyperventilate and he had to pull away from Alex to catch his breath. "Just breathe. Close your eyes," Amos closed his eyes. "In… and out… in… and out," Amos took up the cadence, breathing deeply in and out until he was not panicking anymore. He went back to crying more softly now and less desperate, his head resting on Alex's shoulder.

For his part, Alex stood there, their bodies pressed together, muttering soothing words and sounds, moving his hands over his back, touching his sides. It seemed to be working, as eventually Amos quieted down, only occasionally letting out a cry on his breath which Alex shushed away. Sometime later, he was quiet altogether, but made no effort to pull away so Alex stood there holding him.

The lighting in the room had turned to soft white and begun to dim, a sign that it would soon be nighttime as far as the ship was concerned. "This feels nice," Amos said quietly and matter-of-factly, in the tone Alex had come to associate with the child inside the man. Alex hoped a reply was not needed, because he was unsure of what to say.

"Stay with me tonight?" Amos asked somewhat breathily once the lights had gone nearly dark and he felt more relaxed against him.

"Okay," Alex replied simply.

The other man pulled away from him, not looking him in the eye. Instead he took off his jumpsuit, hanging it in his closet before taking off his undershirt, sending a sudden wave of desire through Alex, leaving him only in his boxer briefs as he crawled into bed and got under the blanket. Amos scooched close to the wall, and folded his blanket back over itself, leaving an open space where Alex presumed he was meant to be. His desire began to grow as he took off his own jumpsuit, throwing it on the floor, and he had to pause a moment to steady his breath. He wasn't sure what Amos was thinking, or what he wanted. He was clearly in pain, and Alex, who felt guilty even having these thoughts, tried to push them to the back of his mind. His body, however, did not co-operate.

He decided to leave his undershirt on, he told himself it would send the wrong signals if he took it off, but in reality he was self-conscious of his slightly-squishier-than-pre-retirement body and maybe less skin to skin contact would help him eschew his growing erection. He somehow doubted it though, as he climbed into bed behind Amos, tucking his desire away before bringing himself against the warm body next to him, and pulling half the blanket back over himself.

Alex was propped up on his elbow, contemplating the man before him. He reached his hand out to touch his arm, wanting to say… something, anything, but he was unsure what. Asking him what had happened to him was out of the question at the moment. Amos raised his arm, taking Alex's hand in his and putting it around him before resting his own arm in front of him.

They stayed like that for a while, Alex looking down at his face. Even from the side he could see it changing expressions, from grim, to pensive, to pained. What he would give to know what was going through the other man's head right now.

Amos unexpectedly turned over, as best he could in these cramped quarters, "Take off your shirt… please," Amos said desperately, putting his hands at the bottom hem as if to help him. "I need to touch your skin." Alex no longer thought this type of request was weird coming from Amos. He clearly had so much to work out Alex could not even begin to imagine, but had grimly decided he would be here for him in whatever way he needed while he did so. Alex took off his shirt. Amos helped him, then began frantically touching his chest, gliding his hands down his arms, touching his back. He was working himself up to a panic again, trying to hold in tears while he did it.

"Hey," Alex said, putting a hand on Amos's face and bringing it to look at him. He paused to look askance at Alex. "I'm right here," he said, rubbing Alex's cheek with his thumb ever so softly. "I'm not going anywhere." He laid down now, and pulled the larger man to him, holding him tightly. Amos resumed touching him, slower but still with a mission Alex did not understand. Amos's ministrations slowed with time and his breathing evened out. He pulled away from Alex slightly to touch his chest again. Alex looked at him with a fondness he had never expected to have for the man when they had come aboard the _Cant_.

Amos brought his left hand up and put it around his throat, but did not apply any pressure, and Alex was mildly surprised, but even more surprised he was not afraid, just confused. He realized he knew Amos would never hurt him. Surprise went out of his mind quickly to be replaced once again with painful desire when Amos's eyes turned darn, and he felt the tell-tale signs of an erection beginning to grow. Amos froze, his dark, glittering eyes locked with Alex's own.

For his part, Alex stayed still, feeding of the heady feelings coursing through his body and burning in his groin. Amos, looked downwards, then back at him, almost seeming to be waiting for him. He did it again, then a look of horror crossed his face which reddened with embarrassment as he moved to turn away from Alex. "No," Alex said and grabbed his arm, pulling him back towards him. "Wait, please." The other man looked like he would comply, and Alex reached in his own boxers and untucked himself, briefly enjoying the emancipation of his trapped member, before pulling Amos towards him, their bodies flush and fraught with desperation. Alex's breath stilled at the feeling of their erections meeting, an involuntary moan being ripped from his throat.

A flash of fear crossed Amos's face ever so briefly, and Alex froze. He decided to let the younger man decide how far this would go, unwilling to frighten him or make him uncomfortable. And so they held each other long into the night, enjoying the feelings of each other's desires. It became clear Amos was not comfortable going further just then, so Alex sat helplessly trapped by need until he was able to relax and fall asleep.


End file.
